I’m so sick and tired of having people in my life who don’t care about me or don’t ever look out for me. I look out and care for everyone around me but no one ever asks how I feel. I hate myself. I hate everything about me and no one is helping me. The best I get out of my mom is “Why are you so depressed?” and even then she thinks everything that I say is bull shit and I should get over it. I hate what my life is and I just want everything to end. I lost the ability to cry or emotionally express myself. All I want to do is sit down with someone and let them listen to my problems for once but no one cares to. I wish I could just die right now. I want to just everything. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I basically get up every morning dreading my life each and every second that passes by. I’d trade my life with anyone’s if I could, as long as I get to keep my brain. My smarts and my ability to go places is the only thing getting me by.
I hate everything about my life at this point. I keep thinking to myself how everything always goes wrong. I mean, I am grateful for what I have no doubt. But I wish for once I could be in my room and not have to worry about stupid little shit I don’t want to be involved with going wrong. I hate this town, I hate most of the people here. Everyone just feeds off of drama in my school so I just push everyone away because I just don’t want to deal with it. I speak my mind so when I do have something to say, I say it. I keep pushing myself to do better because I don’t have faith or motivation for my future so I just cross my fingers that these good grades will get me somewhere one day. Somewhere far away from here. And then I question whether or not I will be happy as I get older and who it is I will be happy with. I don’t know who to turn to. There’s only one person in this whole world that I could trust with anything and I feel like we will eventually separate. I don’t ever want that to happen but it’s just something that happens. So now I’m left with the option of either living the life I live now, miserable, lonely, stressful, or just end it. If I had the guts to, I would. But I don’t. I’m killing myself slowly on the inside already anyway. In fact, I’m already dead. This world has already killed me.
